Q & A With Your Favorite Neighborly African

(After Mister Rogers, I AM America’s Favorite Neighbor)

I am sure like majority of the National Geographic constituency, you are just brimming with questions about Africa but you don’t have a neighborly African to ask. Have no fear, I am here to answer a few of the most common questions I’ve heard as well as other questions my Facebook fans asked on my Facebook status. If this post doesn’t answer all your questions, feel free to ask away in my comments, I am here for you.

Are you really a princess from Zumunda that came to America to find a Prince?

Yes, why yes I am.

Do you speak African?

*tries to think of the most insulting response using nice words* No, you goats. There is no “African” language.

Do you speak Nigerian?

Why yes I do. And you do too. The national language of Nigeria is English.

Do you eat monkey?

No, but your moda eats monkey. Mtchewwwww.

What is an akata or oyinbo?

I can’t tell you that one. Next question.

Do you have a dowry? How much is it?

Depends. It increases with factors such as how you look, if you are marrying me for citizenship, etc.

I thought you were born in America?

Mind your business.

User-Submitted Questions

How do I snag myself a “real woman”?

With snacks. The bigger the better. Roundness is directly tied to prosperity. 🙂

In Nigeria, in what situations is it socially acceptable for me to do the Macarena?

Weddings, church, on busy intersections. Whenever.

Advertising Ethics…. is that… like a thing… in Africa?

Probably not.

 

Thats all I have for now. Maybe another day.

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