The Strangeties of the Modern Woman

Before I start I want to say HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY NIGERIA! Cheers to 52 years and many more in store. Today I wore a Nigerian top with blue jeans, a true sign of Nigerian-Americanness.

AdeDoyin S. Adebiyi

Okay,  on to what I actually wanted to write about. I know Strangeties isn’t a word but I felt like it sounded like what I wanted to say so….deal with it. (That is a symptom of the rebellious nature of the modern woman, which I’m about to talk about. Oh dear, I’m getting ahead of myself.)

So while I was loafing on Facebook, I came across this post by Dating And Waiting (A fabulous and encouraging resource for single Christians).


I can’t say that I was offended by this message but it was very clear that I am not the woman meant for this man. In the comments there actually girls that were like “Yes! This is exactly what I want” while I immediately became nauseated at the idea of being at home all day and being a slave to domestic expectations. Like I said, great for someone. Else. So that got me thinking about my paradoxical ideals when it comes to dating and my future marriage.

Part of me enjoys the traditional views of marriage and dating. I believe in what the Bible has to say about submitting. I believe a man’s place is at the head of the family, spiritually, physically, and any other -ly that may entail. I believe dating initiative starts with the man.  I want to be wooed. I want to do everything in my power to help my future husband be the best man he can be. I want to support him emotionally, spiritually, and any other -ly that may entail. All that good ol courtin your grandparents used to tell me about.

Here’s where I tend to deviate. Just because I want you to be great doesn’t mean I want to lessen my greatness. You have a great job, great. But why can’t I work and do what makes me happy too? As a modern woman, there are a lot of things that might sound contradictory to that above section but seem to work seamlessly in my mind. I’m almost 25, I foresee that I’m going to have to do a lot of things by myself before I do it as a duo. It might seem like pessimism but I have to prepare myself to be able to do whatever needs to be done when it needs to be done without depending on a man. Of course, if a man is there, I’ll be happy to request his help but if not, I still need to be able to do it. (This, however doesn’t concern the practice of changing tires, I will always play damsel-in-distress on that one.)  I’m not even sure if any of this is really making sense, nothing ever does outside of my head. As a modern woman, I want to bring a lot to our proverbial table. I want to be an equal in some senses, and a support in others.

I’ll quote the great philosopher Ne-Yo.

I’m a movement by myself, but we’re a force when we’re together. I’m good all by myself, but baby you make me better.

That’s how I feel about me and how a positive relationship would be in my eyes. Quite the yardstrick huh? I just want to be great but part of awesome. Did that make sense? No? Oh sorry. But that’s great thing about God creating so many different types of people. So the right people will be with the right people and they can fulfill the vision or purpose God has for them. Ok. Off to go apply for pirate jobs do homework.